You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
