I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
