I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
