I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When are your genitals available?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
