I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
