I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
