All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
