9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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