How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
