It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You made out with two different species that night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
