I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
did i just pee glitter
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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