Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
