Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
