Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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