tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
