who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
