im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
