I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
