i think i have two assholes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
