one word: firstdatebathroomanal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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