Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
