hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
