i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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