i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
