i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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