i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
