He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
