I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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