Will you blow on my dice?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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