I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
