I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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