highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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