I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
