I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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