On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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