i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
