Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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