From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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