its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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