Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
