I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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