he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
