____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
