Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
