can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
