i just had sex bonerless
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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