i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
