I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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