the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
