No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
