I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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